Saturday, September 23, 2006

My life trapped inside a gay fanfic epic.

As I was drying my hair today I thought about, drying that of my friend, Michael, we have an odd relationship, Michael is my best friend and this sort of thing is not uncommon. Our relationship is one in which we rarely discuss sex and when we do, uncomfortably, unlike most male friendships, yet we are comfortable discussing the violent rape of one another or whether we would allow Aslan in the movie of TLTWATW to bugger us simply because he is so amazing. Yet for all these overtly homosexual rituals we have, our relationship is merely one of brilliant friendship, we are in some ways kindred spirits, in others completely opposed. It suddenly occurred to me the clichéd gay fantasy world of "suppressed sexual feeling" that we were living in. I can see it now glowing from a computer screen, a story of forbidden love, neither party wanting to admit their true feelings, the chase, the tension, such a thrill for the reader.

Of course I am aware of the curious nature of our relationship, but I have never come to think of it as a whole before, we could be the makings of a great book. and while I am at pains to state, read into that what you will, that I am not gay, and to my knowledge neither is Michael, I am not one of those stereotypical blokes whose life revolves around homophobia and homoeroticism, I do not finish making fun of the smallest player in the my rugby team for being a "Fag" only to retreat to the showers to give my other team mates hearty slaps on the backside for a "Good game".

I realise that our lives are a constant stream of poorly written "not quite in the closet" gay romance clichés, not that I am overly familiar with gay romance, again read into that what you will, you all know the kind of clichés I’m talking about, and don’t pretend you don’t. our lives together, day to day leap from one moment of what could be considered a horrifically contrived scene of glaring "homoerotic sexual tension" to another, I am happy to say that these moments do not contain any of the sexual tension seen in such writings, only that of two young boys messing arou.... shit. What I mean to say is that while we may act these scenes out in the great cosmic play that is life, it is nothing more than the loving relationship of friends, and that is exactly what makes it so funny.

Maybe I have reached the origin of these clichés, they are in fact manipulated versions of heterosexual relationships, maybe that what gives them the pull they have, much like it is the dream of many men to be able t claim they have "turned" a lesbian with their masculine charms, there is the parallel for gay men, to bring one, once straight into the fold of homosexuality. I can imagine, if committed to page, with a few suggestive adjectives added and read in the right tone, our adventures would become the most ridiculously flagrant homosexual romance ever, I picture hordes of men salivating over the next pseudo sexual encounter, "will this romance ever come to fruition?" they ask "will these young men ever realise their untold lust for each other?" just wait for the next instalment. Or rather wait until our lives become serialised or we are immortalised on screen, I'm rooting for Jonny Depp playing me, fingers crossed eh, he's so fit...